Parcelling up Grandmama and sending her to Liberia
Well strike me dead and call me Captain Ahab. I have returned, fellow oglers…
Although quite why I don’t know as this MSN Spaces flapdoodle is interminably slow! Damn its eyes! If only it had any to damn, then damn them I would!
Besides that I have purchased a new periwig which suits me admirably and makes me look something like Marie Antoinette, which is no bad thing. However it has been attracting sea-going vessels and monsters of the deep and such like. It’s the smell of fish I can’t stand and the endless tales of sea-faring and over lusty-halibut, from piratical types.
I had Captain Teach nest awhile in my beard the other day and he was most obscene in his choice of language, not to mention naughtily-designed ale mugs. He heeded me to list to a tale, which I took to mean listen to another of his rambling monologues which have cured my insomnia but aggravated my somnambulism, which, due to a technical error I can only mention once.
"Hearken ye," he began. I politely informed him that I was already hearkening.
"Aharr!" he spluttered, most unconvincingly. I wondered, if he was going on like this, whether he was in fact one of those fake pirates the radio has been reporting so many of recently.
"Aharr!" he repeated, " ‘Tis only the tale of an old sea-dog like myself, with a wooden leg and a scar from ear to chin…"
This was quite enough I decided and I cast him out of my beard and into the deep waters, which incidentally had begun to clamour around me, as they evidently missed the old pirate after an extended absence.
"Aharr!" he gurgled before drowning quite suddenly in his own over-acting.
I find now though that Calico Jack has hoisted the Jolly Roger in my beard instead, although he is a lot quieter than I imagined he would be, so he makes a welcome neighbour.
Mind you, he still hasn’t returned my cup of sugar.
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bjbeamish
Well splice my mainbrace. Your sugar\’s on the Marine Chesterfield, waiting to be de-weevilled; you can collect it anytime.
Cap\’n Morgan. Arrr.
Well, Cap\’n Morgan, we meet again! What? Don\’t tell me you\’ve forgotten that evening at Salty Joe\’s in olde Plymouth? How\’s the gangrene?
I shall send round my cabin boy, whose name I have never known, to collect my sugar. You may keep the weevils though as I have enough in my leg already thanking you kindly.
Toodle pip and a bottle of rum,
Bri
Sir.
The Gangrene\’s gone wrottern. Thank \’ee for asking though.
Salty Joe, Gord rest his immoral soul, is now on a low Sodium diet, so he\’s currently going by the scurvy alias of Not-So-Piquant but Marginally Healthier Joe.
And as for the Cabin boy, alack alas, he\’ll not return to you in the condition you sent him in. It\’s those cursed weevils again. Starving mites, they are, curse their hooked little feet.
Have you got Gin?
And Rottingdean is frighteningly close at hand.
Grahm
Nay, you scalliwag, the lenses were handed over to me by The Curtain that fluttered calmly in the corner . And he informed me that they were the only ones ever made apart from the secret pair that no-one knew about that was hidden beneath the purple sea monster called Bob Pinkhue. You didn\’t stumble upon them , did you? Mine has a hallmark of a slightly perverse looking sofa. Do not speak so flippantly about getting another pair, brian you pumkin or i might have to get the Queen to take away your badger underpants.
Here\’s a cushion for your cardboard box.
I\’m off to get myself marinated.
Ta.
garrrrrn ," I said ever so eloquently..
i do think it is rather cruel of you will-ya-force-the-snake to look like marie antoinette…she already has enough problems of her own ….what with no head and all, only to see a man of your extreme foul herrring like visage to look like her!!
no wonder the pirate kept the sugar….he should have kept the tea bags too for the misdeeds of your misconduct!
and not to mention the damnation of the eyes that are not there…well i shall defintely not mention them..you did not hear it from me…
now i must leave for there is a boulabaisse that smells rather fishy that i must solve.
remember anymore role plays and i will be forced to subject you to spanking by leather clad adversaries.